Camp was an awesome and life changing experience. It can hardly be described in words and i hope i can go again next year :D
My eyes were really opened after all the sessions from Pastor Joshua. Awesome man that he is :)
He talked about how humans are forgetful and that friends shouldn't end friendships or have silly quarrels over petty things.
Alot of great insightful videos as well :)
Steven Curtis Chapman is awesome! Thank you for "Maria's Big house of hope" ^^
Sigh~ great memories that i shall cherish with all the new friends i had made :)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Could not hold in everything anymore
Ever wonder why the good people in this world tend to suffer the most? Ever thought- what's the point of being nice to everyone when you'll probably be left alone in the end?
It is true that i have had a rough couple of years during my lower secondary days being the only Chinese in class and even in the primary days when i had a fear of speaking to others. I made friends with some good people and some bad. I have endured different kinds of abuse, mentally and physically since a young age. Some experiences beyond comprehension and times that i have had to swear to never speak of. Many things of which even the closest of friends would not be aware of.
At the end of form 3, i thought it was great to finally have a best friend for the 1st time. We had many ups and downs. In form 4, i went to her house many times for several long weeks to mend her broken heart with a listening ear and ice-cream. I even learned to hug a friend for the first time. Eventually she got better. And found more people that could love her. I was happy for her. We may not be friends anymore now but i can still remember those times vividly.
I don't know about you guys; but do see the point in rumors? When you start talking about something or someone that you have no idea whether it is true or not; an abundance of consequences could come with that. Which is why i never liked to believe in rumors no matter where they come from. There could be a long complicated story behind a rumor that we would probably have overlooked. Rumors are sometimes the test of friendships. Whoever chooses to believe the bad rumors are probably not your real friends and whoever chooses not to believe them are true to you.
I rarely go overseas so it makes me happy to know if i am going overseas. But, the happiest day of my life is actually the day i had the honor of being classmates with these awesome friends in form 4.The awesome people = ( Aqeelah, Caroline, Sherly, Shaz, Belle, Rai, Pey yi ) =]
I had always been timid and shy by nature. With them, they helped me grow. I admit that now i may seem more confident and braver. Alas, that is probably just what i wanted to portray to others. Deep inside, i could possibly have the most fragile heart in the world. For all i know, my heart could be made of glass. Being able to break starting from the tiniest crack.
People may have seen changes in me, but- i will always be that basketball crazy, jean-loving, hip-hop dancing lover at heart. I believe that i changed to become a bit more feminine because i realized that everybody's gotta grow up someday. So why not now? Time is very short so if i didn't start wearing dresses or other things that i normally didn't wear before, who knows if my life is cut short? I may never have the chance.
I was bullied in primary 3 (the same year i lost my grandad). I never met my mom's mum as she passed away when my mum was pregnant with her 1st child. In form 2, my dad passed away. I knew he was weak but i didn't expect it to be that soon. It was so crazy growing up. Slowly noticing my father losing his hair, getting skinnier to the extent that i could see his eyeballs wanting to come out and his backbone being so visible, seeing how he would vomit at odd hours. Every detail is embedded in my mind to this day. I still remember a few of my siblings had to fly straight home for this sad event. A sister from UK. A brother from China. A brother from Malaysia. A sister from Australia.
In form 3, my dad's mum passed away. This made me think of why life would be so cruel to me and my family. I know, selfish of me to think of my own self. After my dad's passing, my mother showed us she could be strong and that we could too. I cannot lie that i had shown weakness many a time. But that is who i am.
I am not afraid to admit that i have had problems since last year with vomiting. I vomited every month starting from last year. According to some people, it meant that i had weak intestines or a weak stomach. It made me fear of the type of cancer my father and older sister had. It constantly made me think of the possibility that i may not live long.
There were even times when i would feel breathless or faint even from just standing up after a long time of sitting which made my mother think that i was possibly anaemic. Despite all this, i have never went for a doctor's check-up. I didn't choose not to. My family just never has the time. There have even been times that i have been in a state close to depression. I considered smoking, cutting, etc. But of course, i never condoned in such activities. However, just having those thoughts were wrong enough.
I still remember memories i have had with my good friends who i place highly on my own personal friends' list in my heart. I could go on and on in detail about those times but i shan't for those are mine and theirs to keep. I have only had the utmost care for them. If they had a problem, that problem would tend to circle my mind for a day or two or more. That's how much i care.
No matter who tries to ruin my life. Whether it be rumors or flying criticism. I shall always remain true to my friends. I would never hurt any of them intentionally. Because hurting a friend by a comment is like a stab at my own heart.
I don't understand how a friend could doubt me after knowing me for years and choosing to believe a rumor. But, that is life. I had a friend who chose to believe a rumor; i didn't care because in reality she was just an acquaintance. But this is different. This hurts. This tears me apart. This burns my soul.
Family knows me best and none of them would ever believe that i could spread such horrible tales. They know my heart is true and that when my friends are in pain, i'm in pain. My close friends are like my family. To know that they doubt me or would detest the idea of being like a 'sister' to me really hurts tho i try not to show it.
This post probably seems pathetic but i needed an outlet. My basketball notebook is filled with art including anime and writings. The writings in the book are private however. I like it that way as it makes the book a lot more special than it already is. Well, that is my opinion.
All i can do now is hope and pray to God that my troubles shall be over soon. For -a while at least. Considering i know that life will always be full of troubles. I also hope that these rumors didn't originate from any enemies i have made in the past.
Ps. Sorry if i do not show my care in proper ways. Everyone has flaws. I just happen to have a lot of them for being so ditsy. There are alot of qualities i wish i had but i would have to take a long time to learn about them.
Anyways...........
Praise Him always. I have faith that you will guide me through life for you will never forsake me.
It is true that i have had a rough couple of years during my lower secondary days being the only Chinese in class and even in the primary days when i had a fear of speaking to others. I made friends with some good people and some bad. I have endured different kinds of abuse, mentally and physically since a young age. Some experiences beyond comprehension and times that i have had to swear to never speak of. Many things of which even the closest of friends would not be aware of.
At the end of form 3, i thought it was great to finally have a best friend for the 1st time. We had many ups and downs. In form 4, i went to her house many times for several long weeks to mend her broken heart with a listening ear and ice-cream. I even learned to hug a friend for the first time. Eventually she got better. And found more people that could love her. I was happy for her. We may not be friends anymore now but i can still remember those times vividly.
I don't know about you guys; but do see the point in rumors? When you start talking about something or someone that you have no idea whether it is true or not; an abundance of consequences could come with that. Which is why i never liked to believe in rumors no matter where they come from. There could be a long complicated story behind a rumor that we would probably have overlooked. Rumors are sometimes the test of friendships. Whoever chooses to believe the bad rumors are probably not your real friends and whoever chooses not to believe them are true to you.
I rarely go overseas so it makes me happy to know if i am going overseas. But, the happiest day of my life is actually the day i had the honor of being classmates with these awesome friends in form 4.The awesome people = ( Aqeelah, Caroline, Sherly, Shaz, Belle, Rai, Pey yi ) =]
I had always been timid and shy by nature. With them, they helped me grow. I admit that now i may seem more confident and braver. Alas, that is probably just what i wanted to portray to others. Deep inside, i could possibly have the most fragile heart in the world. For all i know, my heart could be made of glass. Being able to break starting from the tiniest crack.
People may have seen changes in me, but- i will always be that basketball crazy, jean-loving, hip-hop dancing lover at heart. I believe that i changed to become a bit more feminine because i realized that everybody's gotta grow up someday. So why not now? Time is very short so if i didn't start wearing dresses or other things that i normally didn't wear before, who knows if my life is cut short? I may never have the chance.
I was bullied in primary 3 (the same year i lost my grandad). I never met my mom's mum as she passed away when my mum was pregnant with her 1st child. In form 2, my dad passed away. I knew he was weak but i didn't expect it to be that soon. It was so crazy growing up. Slowly noticing my father losing his hair, getting skinnier to the extent that i could see his eyeballs wanting to come out and his backbone being so visible, seeing how he would vomit at odd hours. Every detail is embedded in my mind to this day. I still remember a few of my siblings had to fly straight home for this sad event. A sister from UK. A brother from China. A brother from Malaysia. A sister from Australia.
In form 3, my dad's mum passed away. This made me think of why life would be so cruel to me and my family. I know, selfish of me to think of my own self. After my dad's passing, my mother showed us she could be strong and that we could too. I cannot lie that i had shown weakness many a time. But that is who i am.
I am not afraid to admit that i have had problems since last year with vomiting. I vomited every month starting from last year. According to some people, it meant that i had weak intestines or a weak stomach. It made me fear of the type of cancer my father and older sister had. It constantly made me think of the possibility that i may not live long.
There were even times when i would feel breathless or faint even from just standing up after a long time of sitting which made my mother think that i was possibly anaemic. Despite all this, i have never went for a doctor's check-up. I didn't choose not to. My family just never has the time. There have even been times that i have been in a state close to depression. I considered smoking, cutting, etc. But of course, i never condoned in such activities. However, just having those thoughts were wrong enough.
I still remember memories i have had with my good friends who i place highly on my own personal friends' list in my heart. I could go on and on in detail about those times but i shan't for those are mine and theirs to keep. I have only had the utmost care for them. If they had a problem, that problem would tend to circle my mind for a day or two or more. That's how much i care.
No matter who tries to ruin my life. Whether it be rumors or flying criticism. I shall always remain true to my friends. I would never hurt any of them intentionally. Because hurting a friend by a comment is like a stab at my own heart.
I don't understand how a friend could doubt me after knowing me for years and choosing to believe a rumor. But, that is life. I had a friend who chose to believe a rumor; i didn't care because in reality she was just an acquaintance. But this is different. This hurts. This tears me apart. This burns my soul.
Family knows me best and none of them would ever believe that i could spread such horrible tales. They know my heart is true and that when my friends are in pain, i'm in pain. My close friends are like my family. To know that they doubt me or would detest the idea of being like a 'sister' to me really hurts tho i try not to show it.
This post probably seems pathetic but i needed an outlet. My basketball notebook is filled with art including anime and writings. The writings in the book are private however. I like it that way as it makes the book a lot more special than it already is. Well, that is my opinion.
All i can do now is hope and pray to God that my troubles shall be over soon. For -a while at least. Considering i know that life will always be full of troubles. I also hope that these rumors didn't originate from any enemies i have made in the past.
Ps. Sorry if i do not show my care in proper ways. Everyone has flaws. I just happen to have a lot of them for being so ditsy. There are alot of qualities i wish i had but i would have to take a long time to learn about them.
Anyways...........
Praise Him always. I have faith that you will guide me through life for you will never forsake me.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Another EAS assignment
Had to do a magazine article. I found it real tough because it isnt as easy as imaginative writing. But do tell me what you think.
Getting On With Your Parents
It is often perceived by teenagers that parents are like another life-form that they shall never comprehend.
In my opinion, parents are like a puzzle. You need to connect one puzzle piece to another to finally understand what is it that they really want to tell you. Like a puzzle, they also tend to confuse you. But, we must not also forget that many parents dread the day we become teenagers because of all the changes that would occur to us physically and mentally which would; in turn make us the puzzles in their eyes.
If you would like to get on with your parents, ask yourselves, why is it that I do not get on with them? As difficult as it may seem for some of you to dig for that answer, the question is not that complex to answer. An abundance of us tend to be influenced by our peers as. With the rise of other teenagers having girlfriends or boyfriends, most of us would incline towards the green-eyed monster. Do not be peeved with them for forbidding you from having a relationship; for you must understand that your parents are only looking out for you so listen to their advice instead of rebelling against them. Active listening is of the utmost importance when it comes to a good relationship between yourself and your parents.
For what I am about to say, I am sure that many of us are familiar with. It is not food, not trendy clothes, not a tiger as a pet. No. It is money. They say money is the root of all evil. It possibly is…depending on how you look it at it. If you are fortunate enough to collect allowances from your parents, you tend to want to buy things that you ‘believe’ you need. However, we must learn to shop smart. Push aside your wants and think about your needs. As a typical teenager you would think “It’s only a dollar! What’s the big deal?” Avoid such thoughts because your parents worked hard for their salary not to see you spend it like you are drinking water. Parents may seem cheap to you at times but they really just want you to learn the value of a dollar.
The word ‘chores’ is a word that I have become only too familiar with and I am sure many of you have heard as well. “Chores are often a dreaded task that is put upon us to cost us misery and pain.” This sentence is far from the truth. We are teenagers! We have like to have fun, don’t we? Do not look at chores as a dreaded task. You could be dancing to a song while wiping windows or singing aloud while sweeping! These suggestions may seem incredulous; but as long as you get the job done and keep your parents smiling, you will feel rewarded in the end.
Another thing we teenagers should learn is to be considerate to others; especially our parents. After a long, hard day at work, home is our parents’ sanctuary. Do not cause your parents more stress than they could already be having; so keep the noise down. Do not switch on the television or radio on full-blast. You would not like to mess with a tired parent looking for serenity. Trust me! You could always use ear-phones so that you do not intrude on your parent’s ‘quiet time’ or you could get involved in an activity that does not involve noise; like -reading a book or drawing.
Parents have ups and downs in their lives. Don’t make things harder for them than it already is. Try very hard to remember that your parents are human too; just like us.
( 629 words )
Getting On With Your Parents
It is often perceived by teenagers that parents are like another life-form that they shall never comprehend.
In my opinion, parents are like a puzzle. You need to connect one puzzle piece to another to finally understand what is it that they really want to tell you. Like a puzzle, they also tend to confuse you. But, we must not also forget that many parents dread the day we become teenagers because of all the changes that would occur to us physically and mentally which would; in turn make us the puzzles in their eyes.
If you would like to get on with your parents, ask yourselves, why is it that I do not get on with them? As difficult as it may seem for some of you to dig for that answer, the question is not that complex to answer. An abundance of us tend to be influenced by our peers as. With the rise of other teenagers having girlfriends or boyfriends, most of us would incline towards the green-eyed monster. Do not be peeved with them for forbidding you from having a relationship; for you must understand that your parents are only looking out for you so listen to their advice instead of rebelling against them. Active listening is of the utmost importance when it comes to a good relationship between yourself and your parents.
For what I am about to say, I am sure that many of us are familiar with. It is not food, not trendy clothes, not a tiger as a pet. No. It is money. They say money is the root of all evil. It possibly is…depending on how you look it at it. If you are fortunate enough to collect allowances from your parents, you tend to want to buy things that you ‘believe’ you need. However, we must learn to shop smart. Push aside your wants and think about your needs. As a typical teenager you would think “It’s only a dollar! What’s the big deal?” Avoid such thoughts because your parents worked hard for their salary not to see you spend it like you are drinking water. Parents may seem cheap to you at times but they really just want you to learn the value of a dollar.
The word ‘chores’ is a word that I have become only too familiar with and I am sure many of you have heard as well. “Chores are often a dreaded task that is put upon us to cost us misery and pain.” This sentence is far from the truth. We are teenagers! We have like to have fun, don’t we? Do not look at chores as a dreaded task. You could be dancing to a song while wiping windows or singing aloud while sweeping! These suggestions may seem incredulous; but as long as you get the job done and keep your parents smiling, you will feel rewarded in the end.
Another thing we teenagers should learn is to be considerate to others; especially our parents. After a long, hard day at work, home is our parents’ sanctuary. Do not cause your parents more stress than they could already be having; so keep the noise down. Do not switch on the television or radio on full-blast. You would not like to mess with a tired parent looking for serenity. Trust me! You could always use ear-phones so that you do not intrude on your parent’s ‘quiet time’ or you could get involved in an activity that does not involve noise; like -reading a book or drawing.
Parents have ups and downs in their lives. Don’t make things harder for them than it already is. Try very hard to remember that your parents are human too; just like us.
( 629 words )
Monday, March 8, 2010
Part 9
The tree that we have just sat under is the exact same tree that Joshua had led me to last time. Is this de ja vu? It can't be, considering this isn't Joshua. This is Craig that i'm with. Right? Right.
Finally, Craig started speaking in a sweet subtle tone and he whispered to me.
"There's something I need to tell you. Please don't freak out okay?"
*Gulp* "I...I..I'll try not to."
"well, I know that we've only just met recently after not meeting in a long time but do you ever feel as if you've known me forever?"
I thought about it for a brief moment as his eyes intensified as if a fire had been set ablaze. Finally, I managed to speak.
"Now that you mention it...I do feel as if you've been a missing piece in my life."
"Maybe I am. Tanya, You may be appalled at this fact but you are my sister and dad isn't lost at sea. He escaped to an uninhabited (not anymore) island to live with a girl he had fallen in love with. He told me not to tell anyone but I had to tell you. I had found out that I was your brother a few years back but I didn't have the guts to tell you...till now."
The words echoed for awhile as if it were just hollow air in my head. It must be the disbelief. I mean, two major facts were just blown at me! My father had eloped?!! And I have a brother? Who's alive and not dead? My childhood friend turns out to be my brother? I was told that my brother had died while my mum gave birth to him.
"Tanya? Say something. Please say something. Anything. Blink twice if you hear me."
I punched him lightly on the arm for joking at the wrong time. I did so lightly as I did not intend on hurting myself considering Newton's third law on how every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Gosh, even now, studies are circling in my mind.
"H..ho..how..is is possible? This is alot to take it in!!" I stuttered at first, then, finally pulled myself together.
*Sigh* "I know, but I'll take it slow if you'd like."
I wanted him to tell me everything but to not waste any time at all on unimportant explicit details. Yes, I am that kind of person who doesn't bother with too much talk. It took away the one hour free period we had.
I had just heard (possibly) one of the most complicated stories in my life. If you knew, you'd think that I had one twisted family. But, this is private family matters so i've decided to keep it to myself. Sorry!
We walked to our next class which was algebra. I always thought algebra reminded me of the word zebra. Because of how close it rhymes. Oh no..I'm rambling again. I deeply apologise as I am obviously not completely recovered from shock.
Mr. Al G. Brah is very time concious. If you are even a minute late, he would get peeved. Apparently Craig and I were two minutes late. However he did not yell at us at all. Not only I but the whole class as well was astonished at that fact.
Was Craig a possible reason? Nah, can't be. Can it?
Finally, Craig started speaking in a sweet subtle tone and he whispered to me.
"There's something I need to tell you. Please don't freak out okay?"
*Gulp* "I...I..I'll try not to."
"well, I know that we've only just met recently after not meeting in a long time but do you ever feel as if you've known me forever?"
I thought about it for a brief moment as his eyes intensified as if a fire had been set ablaze. Finally, I managed to speak.
"Now that you mention it...I do feel as if you've been a missing piece in my life."
"Maybe I am. Tanya, You may be appalled at this fact but you are my sister and dad isn't lost at sea. He escaped to an uninhabited (not anymore) island to live with a girl he had fallen in love with. He told me not to tell anyone but I had to tell you. I had found out that I was your brother a few years back but I didn't have the guts to tell you...till now."
The words echoed for awhile as if it were just hollow air in my head. It must be the disbelief. I mean, two major facts were just blown at me! My father had eloped?!! And I have a brother? Who's alive and not dead? My childhood friend turns out to be my brother? I was told that my brother had died while my mum gave birth to him.
"Tanya? Say something. Please say something. Anything. Blink twice if you hear me."
I punched him lightly on the arm for joking at the wrong time. I did so lightly as I did not intend on hurting myself considering Newton's third law on how every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Gosh, even now, studies are circling in my mind.
"H..ho..how..is is possible? This is alot to take it in!!" I stuttered at first, then, finally pulled myself together.
*Sigh* "I know, but I'll take it slow if you'd like."
I wanted him to tell me everything but to not waste any time at all on unimportant explicit details. Yes, I am that kind of person who doesn't bother with too much talk. It took away the one hour free period we had.
I had just heard (possibly) one of the most complicated stories in my life. If you knew, you'd think that I had one twisted family. But, this is private family matters so i've decided to keep it to myself. Sorry!
We walked to our next class which was algebra. I always thought algebra reminded me of the word zebra. Because of how close it rhymes. Oh no..I'm rambling again. I deeply apologise as I am obviously not completely recovered from shock.
Mr. Al G. Brah is very time concious. If you are even a minute late, he would get peeved. Apparently Craig and I were two minutes late. However he did not yell at us at all. Not only I but the whole class as well was astonished at that fact.
Was Craig a possible reason? Nah, can't be. Can it?
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